Open letter to a patron

Dear Patron-

I hope this letter finds you well.

I'm the librarian that helped you to print out some documents from the internet today. First of all, I'd like to apologize yet again at the (lack of) speed that our internet had. It's been a problem for awhile and unfortunately there's nothing I or any of the other library staff can do about it.

I understand that you're frustrated. I would appreciate it if you would just be cool and relaxed about the internet speed rather than continuously complaining about it.

Secondly, though it's not my place to judge you for what it is you're doing in the computer lab, it is none of my business either. I'm a little bit creeped out that you would suggest that me or anyone else be so attentive and be so "up in your shit" as they say when it comes to your online dating profile and the profiles of the women who have expressed interest in meeting you. However, since you did involve me, let me give you some advice:

I think that most women would prefer to have a man who can take simple instructions and become fairly self-reliant. Having me stand behind you, manipulating the mouse, and printing out the documents for you did not endear you to me at all. While there's no shame in asking for help, I found it very unattractive and, frankly, annoying to have to repeat myself four or five times and have you still be unwilling to take the initiative to learn it for yourself. It's a simple process and it's not my job to do things like that for you, though I'd be perfectly willing to assist you in the learning process. Don't think for a second that I'm going to walk you through these things again unless you're willing to take some responsibility.

Again, I apologize for the troubles you were having and I wish you luck in your romantic pursuits.

Emily